What this episode is about
Gabriella Espinosa sits down with Dr. Justin Garcia, evolutionary biologist, Executive Director of the world-renowned Kinsey Institute, and author of The Intimate Animal, to explore what the science reveals about love, sex, and intimacy across the lifespan, especially in midlife.
Key takeaways
- When Gabriella and her husband both work from home, she gets up and sits with him while he eats lunch. She says that small choice tells him she cares.
- Dr. Justin Garcia defines intimacy as a close bond where you feel seen and heard. He says it doesn't have to be romantic or sexual.
- Dr. Justin Garcia says his study on what keeps passion alive found frequent kissing, talking about what you like, and being intentional about intimacy.
Moments from this episode
Word for word from the recording. Tap a time to hear it.
Love makes the sex better
“We asked people the best sex that they've had in their lives. Both men and women say that when they are in love with a partner, that sex, the quality of sex is better.”
Curiosity keeps a couple close
“I think curiosity is one of the best tonics for our relationships, both our romantic relationships and our sexual lives. To be curious about what I want, what you want, and then what we both want as a relationship.”
Real connection is where pleasure lives
“Use the tools to get there, but don't let it take over for our connections. Human connections are where our greatest forms of happiness and excitement and pleasure can be found.”
Satisfaction goes up with age
“As women, as they age, their sexual satisfaction actually goes up a little bit, frequency goes down, but satisfaction goes up. And right around the menopausal transition, we see a slight uptick in orgasm.”
“It doesn't mean that we need a new partner. It means we need new ways of engaging with the same partner.”
Gabriella Espinosaat 20:27
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Show notes
Have you ever looked at your long-term partner and wondered: Is this still the connection I want? Who are we now? Can we feel close again? If you've reached midlife and found yourself in a relationship that feels more like roommates than lovers, if the spark has faded and you're not sure how to reignite it, or if you're navigating the dating world again after years away, this episode is for you.
Gabriella Espinosa sits down with Dr. Justin Garcia, evolutionary biologist, Executive Director of the world-renowned Kinsey Institute, and author of The Intimate Animal, to explore what the science reveals about love, sex, and intimacy across the lifespan , especially in midlife.
Read the full show notesShow less
Dr. Garcia brings decades of research to answer the questions many midlife women are asking: Why do long-term relationships drift into disconnection? Can desire return after years together? Is it possible to rebuild intimacy when life, hormones, and identity are all shifting at once? And perhaps most importantly: Are we asking romantic partnerships to do something evolution never designed them for?
Dr. Justin R. Garcia is an evolutionary biologist and international authority on the science of sex and relationships. Since 2019, he has served as Executive Director of the world-renowned Kinsey Institute, where he is also a Senior Scientist. He holds an appointment as the Ruth N. Halls Professor in the College of Arts and Sciences at Indiana University and is a Founding Co-Director of Human Sexuality and Health at the IU School of Medicine.
An award-winning researcher and educator, Dr. Garcia is the Chief Scientific Advisor to Match, where he provides expertise for the annual Singles in America study. His research focuses on people's romantic and sexual lives throughout the life course, especially on integrative biopsychosocial models of variation in courtship, intimacy, and sexual behavior. He has co-authored over 100 academic articles and book chapters and is co-author of Evolution and Human Sexual Behavior.
His latest book, The Intimate Animal explores the science behind human connection and is available now.
Highlights from our discussion include:
- Intimacy Lives in the Shadow of Sex
- Social Monogamy vs. Sexual Monogamy
- Sexual Habituation Is Normal (And Solvable)
- What Keeps Passion Alive in Long-Term Relationships
- The Intimacy Crisis Is Real
- Midlife Dating Prioritizes Chemistry AND Compatibility
- Gray Divorce and Renegotiation
- Curiosity Is the Best Tonic for Relationships
- Sexual Satisfaction Increases with Age
- Technology Is a Tool, Not a Replacement
This episode offers research-backed hope that intimacy can be renewed, passion can be rekindled, and connection can deepen , even decades into a relationship. Whether you're in a long-term partnership, newly dating, or choosing singlehood, you'll discover why humans are wired for belonging and how midlife can be the beginning of your real love story.
CONNECT WITH Dr. Justin Garcia:
Buy The Intimate Animal here
CONNECT WITH GABRIELLA ESPINOSA:
The information shared on Pleasure in the Pause is for educational and informational purposes only and is not intended as medical advice. Always consult your healthcare provider before making any decisions about your health or treatment. The views expressed by guests are their own and do not necessarily reflect the views of the host or Pleasure in the Pause
About the guest
Dr. Justin GarciaEvolutionary biologist and international authority on the science of sex and relationshipsGuest on this episode of Pleasure in the Pause.More about them
