What this episode is about
Dr. Lori Brotto reveals the science behind mindful sex and shares practical tips to enhance desire, pleasure, and intimacy for midlife women.
Key takeaways
- If your mind wanders during intimacy, Gabriella says to name it out loud, reconnect with eye gazing, and start over. Starting again is fine.
- Dr. Brotto says low desire has causes beyond hormones, including low mood, chronic stress, and negative feelings about your body.
- Dr. Brotto says in her studies, an eight-week mindfulness program improved desire and lowered sexual distress. Women kept the benefits when she followed up months later.
Moments from this episode
Word for word from the recording. Tap a time to hear it.
The hamster wheel drains desire
“Feeling like you're on that hamster wheel of never being able to accomplish the things that you feel you should accomplish.”
Mindfulness grows the brain
“So we see growth and development of centers in the brain, dendrites and axons in the brain as a result of practicing mindfulness.”
Start the day with a body check-in
“Before you open the eyes, just taking a moment to feel the body as a whole. Feel whatever sensations are there and also whatever emotions are there, just as they are, without judgment.”
“We have kids leaving off to college, we have elderly parents, we have relationship changes. There's so much happening in this midlife stage.”
Gabriella Espinosaat 17:25
Hear this momentFeel more pleasure, 10 minutes a day.
10 Days of Pleasure is free. One 10-minute turn-on in your inbox each day. Each one comes with the expert from my podcast who explains why it works.
Day 1 lands in your inbox in a minute. My letter comes after the 10 days, and you can unsubscribe any time.
Show notes
As a midlife woman, have you ever found yourself struggling to get in the mood for intimacy or feeling disconnected from your body during sex?
If so, you're not alone. Many women experience sexual challenges, particularly as they navigate the hormonal changes of perimenopause and menopause. But what if there was a simple yet powerful tool that could help you reignite desire and enhance pleasure? Enter mindfulness.
In this episode of Pleasure in the Pause, I had the privilege of sitting down with Dr. Lori Brotto, a pioneer in the field of women's sexual health and a leading expert on mindfulness-based interventions for sexual concerns. Dr. Brotto shared fascinating insights from her research and clinical practice, revealing how mindfulness can be a game-changer for women's sexual well-being.
Read the full show notesShow less
Watch on YouTube:
Or Listen on Spotify or Apple Podcasts:
The Science of Mindfulness and Sexual Health
Dr. Brotto's journey into the world of mindfulness and sexuality began somewhat accidentally while working with cancer survivors who reported profound sexual difficulties. Noticing parallels between their experiences and the principles of mindfulness, she had an "aha" moment:
"Could this tool be useful in some way for these cancer survivors to help them reconnect with whatever degree of sensation was still there?"
Dr. Brotto's research has shown that an 8-week mindfulness program can lead to:
- Significant improvements in sexual desire
- Reductions in sexual distress
- Enhanced relationship satisfaction
- Overall improvements in quality of life
Importantly, these benefits appear to be long-lasting, with participants continuing to practice mindfulness skills and reap the rewards well beyond the initial program.
Experiencing Mindfulness: Introducing the Raisin
To give us a taste of what mindfulness practice entails, Dr. Brotto guided me through a classic exercise known as Mindful Eating. This simple yet powerful practice involves engaging all of your senses to observe a single object (in this case, a raisin) with curiosity and non-judgmental awareness.
As we moved through the steps of the guided visualization, I was struck by the depth of sensation and presence that emerged from such a seemingly mundane act. Dr. Brotto emphasized the key takeaway:
"Imagine if I brought a fraction of that attention into my sexual intimacy. Imagine the things that I would notice and observe that I otherwise simply don't sense."
This exercise beautifully illustrates the essence of mindfulness – cultivating present-moment awareness and tuning into the subtleties of our bodily sensations, without getting caught up in judgment or distraction.
Integrating Mindfulness into Your Sexual Life
So, how can you start integrating mindfulness into your own sexual experiences? Dr. Brotto offers several practical tips:
- Establish a daily mindfulness practice, even if it's just 5-10 minutes to start.
- Engage in "sensate focus" exercises with your partner, taking turns exploring each other's bodies with curiosity and without judgment.
- Try the "sexual sensations awareness" practice, using an arousal tool (e.g., erotica, fantasy, vibrator) to elicit sensation, then pausing to mindfully tune into the body.
- When the mind inevitably wanders during sex, gently guide it back to the present moment by anchoring in the breath or bodily sensations.
Remember, mindfulness is a skill that takes practice. Be patient and compassionate with yourself as you embark on this journey of sexual self-discovery.
Reclaiming Pleasure, One Mindful Moment at a Time
As our conversation drew to a close, I was left with a profound sense of hope and empowerment. Dr. Brotto's work is a testament to the transformative power of mindfulness for women's sexual well-being, regardless of age or life stage. By learning to cultivate presence and tune into our bodies with curiosity and kindness, we can unlock new realms of pleasure and connection.
So, my pleasure seekers, I invite you to explore the world of mindful sex for yourself. Start small, be patient, and trust in the wisdom of your own body. As Dr. Brotto so eloquently put it:
"We get to linger, we get to slow down...There are so many opportunities for that noticing, for that paying attention, that we often rush through or don't even take time to notice."
Here's to savoring every delicious moment of pleasure, one mindful sensation at a time.
For more information on Dr. Brotto's clinical research, visit brottolab.med.ubc.ca or follow her on Instagram @DrLoriBrotto. You can also download guided mindfulness practices from her website to support your journey at loribrotto.com.
And be sure to check out her books, Better Sex Through Mindfulness: How Women Can Cultivate Desire and The Better Sex Through Mindfulness Workbook, for even more insights and practices to enhance your sexual well-being.
About the guest
Dr. Lori BrottoA pioneer in the field of women's sexual health and a leading expert on mindfulness-based interventions for sexual concernsGuest on this episode of Pleasure in the Pause.More about them
