What this episode is about
When breast cancer forced Teyonna Bowman into early menopause at age 40, she thought her intimate life was over. Her journey back to pleasure offers hope and practical wisdom for all cancer survivors.
Key takeaways
- Gabriella says your body keeps changing, so what worked in your 20s and 30s may not work now. That change is an invitation to get to know yourself in a new way.
- Teyonna Bowman says cancer does not discriminate based on age. She was 34 and had just finished nursing her daughter.
- After cancer, Teyonna judged every change in sensation as bad. Naming it as just a change, and letting go of the judgment, is what started her shift toward pleasure.
Moments from this episode
Word for word from the recording. Tap a time to hear it.
Name the change, drop the judgment
“I would look and perceive changes as being negative instead of just a change. And naming that it's just a change and then moving on, being able to separate the judgment from the change was a critical unlock for myself.”
Surviving and thriving
“I know that I had a little bit of survivor guilt for a while, where I was thinking, I survived, that's all that I need. But I think thriving is, it's not an audacious ask.”
Pleasure again is possible
“It's 100% possible to experience pleasure again, but it takes time, and it takes intention, and really a commitment to yourself for it to happen.”
More than the treatment
“There is space for pleasure and joy. It takes being willing to carve out intimate time and space just to reconnect to yourself, um, because we're more than our breasts, we're more than the treatment.”
“It really is an invitation, I think, it's an opportunity to get to know ourselves in a new way. Our bodies are always changing, they're always evolving. You know, what worked in our 20s and 30s may not work now.”
Gabriella Espinosaat 29:08
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Show notes
Breast cancer conversations typically center on diagnosis, treatment, and survival.
When we talk about breast cancer, most conversations focus on diagnosis, treatment, and survival. But there's another important story that often goes untold - how cancer changes a woman's relationship with her body and her ability to experience pleasure.
For young women especially, cancer treatment often causes sudden menopause. About 31% of women under 40 who undergo chemotherapy experience this abrupt hormonal change, which creates unique challenges for feeling comfortable and confident in their bodies.
Read the full show notesShow less
I recently spoke with Teyonna Bowman, who was diagnosed with breast cancer twice before age 40. Her story shows how women can reclaim pleasure and intimacy after cancer treatment.
From Diagnosis to Medical Menopause
Teyonna found a lump during a self-exam when she was 34. Even though she had no family history of breast cancer and had recently finished breastfeeding (which typically lowers risk), she was diagnosed with hormone-sensitive breast cancer.
She underwent a double mastectomy and chemotherapy. When her cancer returned a few years later, her doctors recommended stopping her ovarian function to prevent another recurrence, which pushed her into menopause decades earlier than expected.
Teyonna's experience shows why regular self-exams are crucial - cancer can appear even when you don't have risk factors.
The menopause she experienced went far beyond hot flashes. She dealt with brain fog, dizziness, joint pain, and skin changes. Her medical team hadn't prepared her for the full range of symptoms, and she found very few resources specifically addressing cancer-induced menopause.
From Person to Patient
One of the hardest parts of cancer treatment for Teyonna was how it changed her relationship with her body. She went from seeing her body as personal and sacred to viewing it as "a specimen that needed treatment."
This shift, combined with the physical numbness in her breasts after surgery, created both physical and emotional barriers to feeling pleasure.
This happens to many cancer patients - the necessary focus on medical treatment can make women see their bodies as medical objects rather than sources of joy. This feeling often continues long after treatment ends.
The Turning Point
After her second cancer diagnosis, Teyonna faced another challenge. She believed that without estrogen, she could never experience physical pleasure again. When this began affecting her marriage, she decided to seek help.
She realized something important: many survivors limit their healing by thinking hormones are the only pathway to pleasure. Breaking free from this belief opened new possibilities for recovery.
Finding New Paths to Pleasure
Through working with me in the Pleasure Upgrade Program, Teyonna discovered that pleasure extends beyond hormones. She learned to:
- Separate physical changes from judgments about those changes
- Focus on areas where she still had sensation instead of where she'd lost it
- Expand her definition of pleasure beyond the physical
- Appreciate everyday experiences as sources of joy
Her biggest breakthrough was realizing that her main barrier wasn't the physical changes themselves but the negative judgments she attached to them. By letting go of these judgments, she could experience whatever sensations remained without disappointment.
Quick Results from Simple Practices
What surprised Teyonna most was how quickly things improved. After struggling for over two years, she noticed significant positive changes within just weeks of practicing mindfulness and body awareness.
The key was paying attention to pleasurable sensations throughout the day - feeling sunshine on her skin, enjoying laughter with loved ones, appreciating a good meal. This daily practice of noticing pleasure helped create new neural pathways in her brain, making it easier to experience positive sensations.
Helping Other Survivors
Teyonna's personal journey inspired her to create resources for other cancer survivors through her platforms: Pausitive Outlook, Second Bloom events, and Menopause Unwrapped.
Her work addresses a critical gap in healthcare - standard medical care rarely addresses the intersection of cancer survivorship and menopause. Survivor-led resources like Teyonna's provide the specialized support that medical institutions often miss.
Seeing Menopause Symptoms as Opportunities
Rather than viewing menopause symptoms negatively, Teyonna reframes them as catalysts for positive health changes. Understanding how early menopause affects bone health motivated her to improve her nutrition and strength training.
This perspective is especially important for cancer survivors experiencing early menopause, as they'll live many more years without estrogen's protective effects on their bones, heart, and brain. By addressing these issues early, women can take preventive measures decades before most women need to think about them.
Helpful Resources for Cancer Survivors
For women recovering from cancer and wanting to reconnect with their bodies, Teyonna recommends:
- Mind-body practices focusing on breathing and presence
- Learning about how menopause affects the brain
- Books like "You're Not Broken" by Dr. Kelly Casperson
- Finding safe spaces to discuss intimate health concerns
- Yoga and movement practices that help rebuild body connection
Teyonna also adds that "your oncologist and gynecologist can work as a dream team with you but you have to make sure they are aligned. Asking both if you can use vaginal estrogen cream or the Estring would be a great place to start but then also consider that the mind body connection is just as important as caring for the physical changes that happen with medical menopause."
Recovery works best when using multiple approaches together. Each resource addresses a different aspect of healing - physical, emotional, mental, and relational.
The Main Message: Pleasure Is Still Possible
The most powerful insight from Teyonna's journey is that pleasure and intimacy are still possible after cancer - even with physical changes and hormone differences. Reclaiming pleasure requires:
- Moving beyond just focusing on survival
- Taking time to reconnect with your body
- Expanding your definition of pleasure
- Letting go of judgments about how your body should respond
- Creating space for new experiences of joy
Most cancer treatment focuses solely on survival, leaving survivors to figure out the "thriving" part on their own. Building a bridge from mere survival to living fully honors the truth that life after cancer should be enjoyed, not just endured.
Final Thoughts
Teyonna's story shows us an essential truth: while cancer and menopause change our bodies, they don't have to diminish our capacity for pleasure. With intention, support, and willingness to explore new pathways, women can reconnect with themselves and their partners.
About our guest:Teyonna was diagnosed with breast cancer twice before the age of 40. After struggling with extreme symptoms from medically induced menopause, she created a platform called Pausitive Outlook to share her survivorship journey, the importance of early detection and resources that support the menopause transition.
- Pausitive Outlook: pausitiveoutlook.com
- The Second Bloom: thisisthesecondbloom.com
- Instagram: instagram.com/pausitiveoutlook
About the guest
Teyonna BowmanCreated a platform called Pausitive Outlook to share her survivorship journeyGuest on this episode of Pleasure in the Pause.More about them
