What this episode is about
Nicole Kidman's groundbreaking film Babygirl shatters myths about midlife female sexuality. Here's what it reveals about pleasure, fantasy, and sexual freedom after 40.
Key takeaways
- Gabriella's mantra is that sexual pleasure has no age limit or expiration date.
- Lauren Elise Rogers says guilt and shame are the number one cause of sexual dissatisfaction, and most people deal with them. Her first step is giving yourself some grace.
- Lauren suggests using a show you both enjoy as a way in. Tell your partner what you liked and what you'd like to bring into your lovemaking.
Moments from this episode
Word for word from the recording. Tap a time to hear it.
Sexuality lasts a lifetime
“Our sexuality does not go away as we age. We deserve to have flourishing sexual lives again until we are in the grave.”
Start by giving yourself some grace
“One of the first things is to realize and acknowledge that guilt and shame are the number one cause of sexual dissatisfaction across the board. So number one, giving yourself some peace, some grace. It's okay.”
You are more than your labels
“Women who are listening, you are not to be defined by these labels and these roles that other people have thought to constrain you with. No, our erotic imaginations have no time limits.”
Messy lessons can lead to pleasure
“We need to see one another make mistakes that lead to the best lessons we've ever learned. And sometimes life's greatest lessons are messy, and sometimes they lead to the greatest pleasure that we have ever found.”
“I think we should be teaching our daughters, right? We should be teaching all women that their pleasure matters.”
Gabriella Espinosaat 49:42
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Show notes
Nicole Kidman's latest film Babygirl has sparked important conversations about female sexuality, desire, and pleasure in midlife.
As a sexual wellness coach working with women in perimenopause and beyond, I sat down with certified holistic sexuality educator Lauren Elise Rogers to explore the powerful themes this film brings to light.
Read the full show notesShow less
The Reality of Midlife Female Desire
The film centers on Romy (Nicole Kidman), a successful executive navigating complex desires within her long-term marriage. Her journey mirrors what many women experience - the tension between deep love for a partner and unfulfilled sexual desires.
"Between 68 to 70% of midlife women report changes to their libido as they move from perimenopause to menopause," Rogers notes. "But decrease in desire is multifactorial - this is when women often start noticing and reporting these changes."
Breaking Free from Sexual Shame
One of Babygirl's most powerful themes is the weight of sexual shame many women carry. Rogers, who specializes in working with survivors of purity culture, explains:
"Female pleasure and female sexual energy has long been viewed as taboo, something we keep secret. As women, we are conditioned to believe that it's shameful or dirty, and as a result, unhealthy narratives shape our bodies and our sexuality."
The Power of Fantasy in Sexual Liberation
The film boldly explores how sexual fantasies can serve as pathways to deeper self-knowledge. Rogers outlines four cornerstones of eroticism that shape our fantasies:
- Longing and anticipation
- Violating prohibitions
- The search for power
- Overcoming ambivalence
"Sexual fantasies, to me, are things that we would not necessarily want to engage in on an everyday level," Rogers explains. "Fantasies are not inherently something we desire to enact."
Trust, Consent, and Power Dynamics
Babygirl masterfully portrays the interplay between control and surrender in sexual expression. The film demonstrates how clear communication about consent creates space for deeper intimacy and pleasure.
Rogers emphasizes: "The truest, most consensual, most fulfilling, most erotic experiences are led by the submissive who puts their desires forward, clearly and concisely."
The Science Behind Midlife Sexual Pleasure
Research continues to disprove myths about sexuality declining with age:
- The Kinsey Institute found 60% of women over 60 who are sexually active enjoy sex as much or more than in their younger years
- Studies show women often experience better orgasms in midlife
- Research by Professor Peggy Kleinplatz reveals presence and deep connection create the most fulfilling sexual experiences
Practical Steps for Sexual Exploration
For women wanting to explore their sexuality more fully in midlife, Rogers recommends:
- Examine the origins of your beliefs about sexuality
- Create new sexual values that align with who you are now
- Practice communicating desires with partners
- Use mindfulness to connect with bodily sensations
- Consider working with a qualified sex educator or coach
The Future of Female Sexual Expression
Films like Babygirl represent a cultural shift in how we view women's sexuality, especially in midlife. As Rogers notes, "We need more human stories told. We need to see our sisters stumble and fall. We need to see one another make mistakes that lead to the best lessons we've ever learned."
The message is clear: female sexual pleasure has no age limit. As we move through perimenopause and beyond, we have opportunities to redefine pleasure on our own terms.
About our guest: Lauren Elise Rogers is a Certified Holistic Sexuality Educator and Certified Embodied Intimacy & Relationship Coach who has built a reputation for her warm, approachable style and deep commitment to helping individuals create fulfilling relationships and vibrant sexual lives. She is the founder of Sex Ed For You, which provides clear, compassionate, and comprehensive guidance on intimacy, relationships, and sexual health.
- Instagram: instagram.com/sex_ed_for_you
- Website: sexedforyou.com
About the guest
Lauren Elise RogersCertified Holistic Sexuality Educator and Certified Embodied Intimacy & Relationship CoachGuest on this episode of Pleasure in the Pause.More about them
