What this episode is about
Nine days into a mystery illness the head doctor said the words no patient wants to hear: we don't know what's wrong with you. The infection had already reached her heart valve, and it was headed for her brain.
Key takeaways
- Acceptance is not passive resignation. It is what allows action: her great-grandfather survived a 1912 avalanche because he accepted the danger instead of denying it, which freed him to raise his hand through the snow and be found.
- During a serious illness that doctors initially could not diagnose, she came to understand her deepest suffering was not the illness itself but her longing for the life she had lost.
- Karma in this framework means action of body, speech, and mind, not fixed fate. Noticing a repeated pattern, like an inherited mother-daughter dynamic, is what creates the chance to change it.
Moments from this episode
Word for word from the recording. Tap a time to hear it.
Resisting change is what hurts
“It's not change that threatens us so much, but it's our resistance to it. That's really what makes us most unhappy, right?”
Live as fully as possible
“The way to find meaning in a world where at any moment we and everything we love can cease to exist is to live your life as fully as possible.”
We knew so little about menopause
“We knew so little about menopause. Our mothers and our grandmothers probably didn't talk about it like we're talking about it now.”
We live as if immortal
“We live as if we're immortal, you know, and that we have all the time in the world. And of course, we don't. We aren't and we don't. But we put things off.”
“Midlife often feels like living in the space in between. The kids are grown, our bodies are changing, parents are aging, relationships and careers are shifting.”
Gabriella Espinosaat 0:00
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Show notes
Ann Tashi Slater, author of Traveling in Bardo, joins to reframe midlife through the Tibetan Buddhist concept of bardo, the in-between state her great-grandfather helped bring to the West through the Tibetan Book of the Dead. The argument moves from denial as the default response to endings toward acceptance as the doorway that actually makes action possible, illustrated by her great-grandfather's 1912 avalanche survival and her own near-fatal endocarditis. The episode closes on practical tools: noticing beginnings and endings as brain training, naming choosing not to act as its own form of agency, and recognizing inherited family patterns as karma, meaning action, not fixed fate.
Read the full show notesShow less
Feeling stuck in the unsettling space between who you were and who you're becoming? If you're navigating midlife transitions - whether it's empty nest, perimenopause, aging parents, or shifting identity - this episode of Pleasure in the Pause offers a transformative perspective on living consciously through change.
Host Gabriella Espinosa sits down with Ann Tashi Slater to explore the Buddhist concept of "bardo" - the in-between state - as a powerful model for midlife transformation. If you've been resisting change, clinging to what was, or feeling overwhelmed by uncertainty, this conversation reveals how accepting impermanence can actually open the door to deeper peace, creativity, and joy. Discover practical daily practices for meeting life's transitions with awareness instead of resistance, and learn how to live fully awake in the great in-between of midlife.
Ann Tashi Slater is the author of Traveling in Bardo: The Art of Living in an Impermanent World. She contributes to The New Yorker, The New York Times, The Washington Post, The Paris Review, Oprah Daily, Guernica, Granta, and many others. Her speaking engagements include Princeton, Columbia, Oxford, the American University of Paris, and Asia Society.
Highlights from our discussion include:
- Bardo as a midlife model: The Buddhist concept of bardo - the in-between state - perfectly describes midlife when we're no longer who we were but not yet who we're becoming.
- Acceptance unlocks action: True acceptance doesn't mean giving up - it allows meaningful action. We must acknowledge reality before we can move forward through any transition.
- Resistance causes suffering: It's not change itself that threatens us, but our resistance to it. Clinging to what was creates additional suffering on top of natural grief.
- Practice noticing transitions: Build comfort with impermanence by observing daily beginnings and endings - the start and end of each day, changing seasons, how you've evolved over time.
This week, notice one beginning and one ending in your day. Then ask yourself: If things could be exactly as I wanted, what would my life look like? Remember, wanting to be happy isn't selfish, it's human.
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About the guest
Ann Tashi SlaterAuthor of Traveling in Bardo: The Art of Living in an Impermanent WorldGuest on this episode of Pleasure in the Pause.More about them
